Edition 11

Author

Hailey Pietraszewski
October 17, 2024

Dear Gentle & Saucy Yappers,

Thanks to the amazing yappers recruiting more minions. This newsletter is arriving in many new emails this week. I’m scared but also excited! Mainly scared at the addition of male yappers but also… Welcome? It has been the type of week that had me googling wellness spas and retreats. Overall I have come to the conclusion that only rich people can be happy because why do I have to pay $3600 a night to get well in California! Next week, this intro will reveal our 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place winners of the giveaway. To everyone who has already participated - thank you so much! If you missed last week, head over to @yapple.sauce on instagram to enter the giveaway. There is still plenty of time - the last day to enter is 10/23! No pressure but I am one singular subscriber away from my goal…(;

xoxo, Hailey Girl

RANKING OF THE WEEK: Best Slutty Halloween Costumes

  1. Slutty **insert horror movie character here** (Bonus points if the character is Ghost Face because there is something weirdly sexual about that mask)

  2. Slutty Animals (it’s so basic that we have slowly moved away from this costume, so we are at the perfect time to bring it back)

  3. Slutty Princess (these always EAT, bring out the corset because I’m obsessed)

  4. Slutty **insert iconic movie/television character** (this is the costume I lean towards, waiting for the day I can do my dream couple’s costume of Lydia x Beetlejuice)

  5. Slutty Devil or Angel (at one point every woman needs to be a devil or angel, it is basic and iconic for a reason)

R.E.P.O.R.T.

R: READING

CURRENTLY READING: Anxious People by Fredrik Backman

I hate to report that I am still reading the same book I was last week. Work has been preventing me from reading which is super rude. As my library rental expires tomorrow on this book, I will need to speed up my pace and put my Kindle on “Airplane” mode. I really don’t know how I feel about this one though. The writing style is slightly killing me. The narration is taking me away from the plot and preventing me from becoming fully invested. On the other hand, there are chapters that are deep and thought provoking that have nothing to do with the plot that I genuinely enjoy. My final rating could truly go several ways.

E: EATING

Restaurant: Della Coffee

Coffee shops counts as restaurants if you order food! This place gets immediate bonus points for being a two minute walk from my apartment because I love pretending like I live in a walkable community. To the matcha haters - this matcha latte would unfortunately not change your mind. Although the drink was aesthetically pleasing, the taste felt like matcha flavored milk. Thankfully, the almond croissant saved the day because zero complaints on that beauty.

Groceries: Trader Joe’s (Fall Haul)

I am a hoe for both fall foods and Trader Joe’s so this haul was inevitable.

Butternut Squash Mac & Cheese: I saw people freaking out about this seasonal item being back and after trying it… I completely understand. It is a need, not a want, to go back and grab some more of these.

Focaccia Bread - French Onion: If I see french onion, I am grabbing it. This was dangerously addictive.

Pumpkin Brioche Twist/Pumpkin Butter: Yes, I have had this for breakfast every morning since purchasing. Ms. Madelyn inspired this purchase.

Cinnamon Dusted Tuscan Cheese: I promise, the cinnamon works and your pallet will expand for the better after trying this cheese.

P: PLAYING

Music:

My music vibe this week did not have to be so damn disrespectful. Now the vibe of this newsletter is a happy, silly goofy sprinkle in your inbox. If you want to continue that vibe you can skip on to the next section but to the directioners in mourning this is for you.

I genuinely cannot believe I am writing about the death of Liam Payne. I write this while listening to One Direction on shuffle. There was zero part of me that believed I would be grieving a parasocial relationship this early in my life. My fellow One Direction fangirls know it is not a dramatic statement to say that One Direction was my entire life in my teen years. I would stay up late to see what antics the boys got into at a concert in another state and new photos of them would make my day. This was pre-tik tok as well! Shockingly enough I was a “Liam girl.” Yes, we existed. For the most part I did not keep up with him in present day but his passing feels like a part of my childhood was ripped away. I have reverted back to my 16 year old self who is listening to One Direction on repeat while watching video edits of the band. As silly as it may seem to many, tears have been shed and I am still in denial. Rest in peace Liam Payne.

Podcasts: Binchtopia

Ms. Madison got me on Binchtopia and I have been a loyal listener since my first listen. Julia and Eliza truly make learning about various topics somehow very entertaining. The latest episode “The Clown Mother” did a deep dive into iPad kids and children’s television. Maybe it is because I grew up on Sesame Street but learning about that show makes me emo! Of course we all love Elmo and Cookie Monster but that show was made to target the inner-city demographic that other children’s t.v. was missing and it helped close the learning gap for children entering into the school system, particularly for black boys. Everytime I learn about Sesame Street, I am pleasantly surprised that there was television program that seemingly had the best interest for children in mind. Groundbreaking.

Television: Pen15

This show already got a small shoutout in last week’s edition but it truly deserves an entire spotlight. I get it… the concept of this show is hard to get over. It is two fully adult women… playing middle schoolers… surrounded by middle school aged children but somehow it completely works and makes sense. If you need a show to watch, I recommend you hop over to to Hulu. I wish this show got more than two seasons because it truly healed my middle school trauma with humor. No adult looks back at middle school and remembers it as the glory days (if you do…you are the problem I fear) and Pen15 just captured middle school in the early 2000’s perfectly somehow.

Movies: Scream

The hottest bitch you know says that Scream is her comfort movie. It’s me.. I’m the hot bitch. I can watch this movie during any time of the year, but not an October goes by without me playing this masterpiece. I have indeed watched it twice this month already. It is truly iconic in so many ways from the opening scene, to the big reveal, to the badass female lead. Ghostface is tattooed on my body for a reason! There is a trend happening where girls are showing halloween masks and saying smash or pass. Ghostface always gets a smash and I can’t say I disagree.

O: OBSESSED

General: Dry Shampoo

Yes, this is a lame obsession but I have recently re-discovered dry shampoo. Every time I see myself with the dry shampoo in my hair before rubbing it in, I see a glimpse at how I will look with gray hair. Let me tell you, I’m kind of into it! This is not new information but dry shampoo really is a game changer for my hair on the off-wash days.

Pop Culture: Saturday Night Live (Domingo)

Is Saturday Night Live back? I will admit I have never been super into SNL but it did seem they had a flop era and from my uneducated perspective it seems to be gaining momentum again. I mean there is an entire movie out about it right now. Regardless of overall popularity, the bridesmaid sketch deserves its flowers. I have no idea why this song is so catchy, but I am obsessed with everything about this. The “Direct from Domingo” lyric scratches a part of my brain in the best way. I’m unsure if specific SNL sketches earn Emmy’s but if they do - this immediately deserves one.

R: RECOMMEND: Nuuly

I am a nuuly GORL. My calendar for the past few months has been pretty dry so I had my subscription on pause but I’m back baby! Let me tell you, it is a game changer for events and vacations. It’s so fun to get the case full of new and spicy clothes that you would never buy for yourself delivered to you. Clothing rentals are also giving sustainable fashion icon! Shameless plug for my nuuly link to get yourself $30 off if you so please!

T: TREAT: Digital Camera

I tragically lost my last digital camera inside my lost Coach purse (I don’t want to talk about it). A new digital camera is finally en route to me via Jeff Bezos. The camera is red because red is a sexy color and $30 cheaper than the other colors. I have my Tik Tok’s locked and ready for the exact settings I want on my Kodak PixPro FZ55 baby!

SAUCY TAKE OF THE WEEK: Defending Bachelorette Trips/Parties

Buckle in, because I am giving a saucy take on something that used to be a saucy take but I feel now is a common opinion. Hating on bachelorette parties. As a single gal who has only ever been an attendee at bachelorette parties, I feel I can speak on this topic in an unbiased manner. Now don’t get me wrong there is plenty of valid criticisms of wedding and bachelorette culture but at this point it is getting overly hated on. There will always be bridezillas and outrageous individuals that expect you to take out a loan for their wedding but this is not about them. This hot take is for your average bachelorette trip.

Defense #1: “When did bachelorette’s turn into trips, it used to be a local night out!” I personally do not associate with anyone who solely interacts with locals in their town. Regardless of where my trip would be (or many people’s bachelorette parties) it would be a trip for someone. It’s called long distance friendships!

Defense #2: Price. Trips are expensive and I think everyone is aware of that. If trips were cheap, I would never spend a weekend at home! If you cannot afford it, it should be easy to just not attend (again I am not talking about bridezillas). I love trips and traveling more than the average person, but having an excuse to go on a trip to celebrate my friend sounds like a great use of my money!

Defense #3: It’s not about you!! Forgetting the price, if the idea of taking a trip to celebrate someone you love does not sound like a fun idea to you… maybe you don’t like the bride that much and shouldn’t be a bridesmaid. I see so many people complain about not liking bachelorette itineraries. It is ok to not be selfish for 5 seconds for someone that you love. Yoga at 6am sounds like hell to me but you best believe I would do that with a smile on my face if that is what my friend wanted to do! I think people lose the plot with bachelorettes because this is supposed to be the gals in your life that you love the most. Celebrate them and show your appreciation to them, even if it is not your ideal trip. I know the current buzzwords tell people to “protect their peace” and “say no to things you don’t want to do.” Both of those things are 100% valid but also you might just be a selfish friend in this context! If you are willing to go on a couple’s trip but not a bachelorette trip… I hate to break it to you. The price isn’t the reason you are not attending.

Defense #4: “They’re Lame/Culty/Not My thing/Not her last wedding” This one includes all the complaints that relate to the third defense but it was getting a tad long. If you see a likely divorce in their future, hope for the best and consider it a girls trip. It is ok to wear ugly matching t-shirts. It is ok to be told to wear a certain color. It is ok to have fun with your girls! To quote Chappel Roan, “It’s so weird that VIP thinks they’re so way too cool to do this. You’re not funnnnn!”

Defense #5: “It’s a financial or time burden/sacrifice” If it is a burden that you cannot handle. Do not go (: I cannot speak for everyone, but if someone felt my bachelorette was a burden to them… I do not want them present and their absence is probably best for everyone.

SAUCY STORY TIME (YAPPER WRITE-INS):

AITA? Okay maybe this is petty. I have a roommate that is not my favorite person but she spends more time with her bf than at my home so as far as I'm concerned she just exists to help bring down my rent. But god when shes home, everything she does pisses me off. She leaves a mess, uses my toiletries, makes the house smell like weed, plays her Tik Toks loudly, and more than anything -- uses my favorite travel cups. Now listen, I don’t care if you use my things in the home. But every. single. time. I want to use one of MYYYY cups they are nowhere to be found bc they are dirty or just not even in my house. I know this is so petty and maybe I'm extra annoyed because I don’t like her but I feel like she needs to buy her own stupid travel cups lol. She even had the nerve to tell me she doesn't mind if I use her cups??? girly just use your own and then we don't have this problem. Okay I'm done I know this is dumb but I'm annoyed.

Asshole?

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LAST WEEK RESULTS: Every yapper but two voted “You’re not the Asshole.” “Everyone is the asshole” & “No one is the asshole” each got one vote each. Although, this yapper strongly feels that the last storyteller was not the asshole as we are grown adults and shitty friends are sooooo high school.

SOCIAL MEDIA CORNER:

TWEETS OF THE WEEK:

TIK TOKS OF THE WEEK:

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING 🍏💚🍏 COMMENTS, QUESTIONS, CONCERNS, SUGGESTIONS, WRITE-INS —-->  CLICK HERE

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