Dear Gentle & Saucy Yappers,
Last week I told everyone about how close summer is and now the city of Houston decided that is will have rain for the foreseeable future. Perhaps if I talk about how much I love this rainy weather, it will go away. I don’t even need a summer tan!
xoxo, Hailey Girl
RANKING OF THE WEEK: Top Things that will make me Cringe
Someone trying to force a trait that they are not (funny, intellectual, charming)
People re-using the same joke over and over on social media and pretending it’s their original thought
People being loud when they are supposed to be quiet
Failed jokes where no one laughs
Posting or using AI slop
R.E.P.O.R.T.
R: READING
JUST READ: Promise Me Sunshine: 3 stars (151/206 overall ranking)
I had high expectations and I was disappointed. This book was mid. I was never motivated to pick it up. Even though the book was a slow burn, I still felt like the end seemed rushed. I don’t know. I don’t have anything amazing or horrible to report about this book. It was just alright.
CURRENTLY READING: The Correspondent by Virginia Evans
I am excited to be starting a new book! I hope it lights a fire in my reading heart. This year hasn’t been my best reading year so far. I’m looking for some books that are going to WOW me and instead I’ve read a lot of “ok” books.
E: EATING
Restaurant: Cheesecake Factory
I am a lover of the Cheesecake Factory. It is my favorite chain food restaurant and I won’t be taking questions at this time. I discovered that they have a pretty good happy hour! I went and split some appetizers with my friend. Three appetizers (Factory Nachos, Buffalo Blasts, and Avocado Egg Rolls) were more than enough food. Silly of us to assume that Cheesecake Factory Nachos wouldn’t be served with giant portions. It was enough for us to share, both take home leftovers, and leave food behind on the table.
P: PLAYING
Music:
Drake released new music. I have not given any of his three(?) new albums a singular stream but unfortunately Tik Tok has presented some of his music to me. I see that I’m not missing out. Listen, I LOVED me some Drake music in college but perhaps his actions have leaked into his ability to release good music. Karma for being anti-Meg thee Stallion perhaps. Anyways, I’ve been listening to Meg and Kendrick this week.
Song Recommendation: squabble up - Kendrick Lamar
Podcasts: Brooke Averick vs. Binchtopia
These girlies aren’t truly beefing but it’s wild that in the past weeks I have heard two very different Michael Jackson takes. On Brooke and Conner Make a Podcast, Brooke talks about how after seeing Michael, she has become obsessed with Michael Jackson and believes he is innocent. On Binchtopia, Julia and Eliza talk about how everyone is in a Michael Jackson psychosis. Honestly I know very little about Michael Jackson but I agreed with the Binchtopia girls when they discussed that people fail to understand how complicated humans are. A person can have a traumatic childhood, go through traumatic things, and still cause trauma to others.
Movies: The Crash
There’s a new documentary that everyone is talking about? Obviously I watched it. I actually already knew about this story because it was featured on an episode of Mean Girl Murders. What I did not know was how insane this girl’s parents were. They are the poster children of enabling parents. Her interview with her fuck ass bun, her friend defending her on the documentary but not to the police, and her parents told me everything I needed to know. There is not a doubt in my head that the crash was purposeful and this isn’t a hot take because the court agreed with me!
O: OBSESSED
General: May Dinner Party
May’s dinner party theme was Breakfast Club. There were a lot of themes combined in this one. Breakfast Club referred to breakfast for dinner (duh!) but also the movie. The girls showed up dressed as movie characters. I represented Mia Thermopolis (princess version). In addition, it was a power point night! My powerpoint was of course about how being anti-Meg thee Stallion is being anti-woman. This was one of my favorite dinner parties!
Pop Culture: Mariska Hargitay
Mariska practices what she preaches and I LOVE that about her. She has played a special victims unit detective on television for 27 years and in person she has been advocating for rape kit reform. This month her advocacy campaign achieved reform in all 50 states. Using her power for good. I could not be more obsessed with her.
R: RECOMMEND: Pinterest Collages
Sorry! I’m late to the game! I just discovered how to properly use Pinterest collages. I knew they existed but I didn’t know how to make them look cute! I will be using that for all hosting ventures in my future. I had so much fun creating them and I’m willing to make them for others!
T: TREAT: Analog Photo Booth
As a photo booth lover, an authentic analog photo booth makes you realize how much better they are than the standard photo booths. Not to sound uppity, but you truly can’t replicate the genuine film aesthetic with filters. I want to go back and take several pictures!
SAUCY TAKE OF THE WEEK: Bicyclists
Be a bike or be a car. You don’t get to be both. I hate how as a driver I have to slowly wait behind bikes going 10 mph (generously) in the middle of the road, sidewalks available mind you, but when the red light turns red - all of the sudden they’re a bike again. I know bike lanes don’t exist everywhere but go on the sidewalk or go on the side of the road. Otherwise you are pissing me off.
SAUCY STORY TIME (YAPPER WRITE-INS):
Another horrible dating story from Caroline, y'all. Strap in.
This happened in college before my first serious boyfriend, so pre-LTR (long-term relationship), I was gettin around. Not even physically, I was just saying yes to any and every date with literally anyone who showed interest. It was because I was a weird theater kid in high school, ok. I mean, I still am. She lives in me.
I had been snapping this guy for a couple weeks. We had planned dates, then they would fall through. One day, we decided to meet up at the park. To do what? Not really sure. Like I said, 19 year old me was just dying for male validation. So, I get to the park a little early and sit and read my book while I wait for him. I'm sitting in a gazebo that has two entrances, so my back is facing one of the entrances. I'm getting really into my book, when I get a text that simply says, "turn around."
Boom he's right there, standing right in front of me. Oh! Okay. ...heyyy.
So, that really threw me for a loop. Usually, the best way to win a woman over is NOT to text like you are Jigsaw the Puppet, but ok. I'm here and I'm giving it a shot. He starts talking, and I immediately clock that he can't say his r's and his voice is incredibly high pitched. Soooo ok. Speech impediments are totally normal. It really wouldn't have been an issue, except I've already been thrown for a couple loops at this point between the Jeffery Dahmer intro and his Alvin and the Chipmunks vocal delivery. Also, he's awkward as HELL. Very nervous but somehow incredibly egotistical? We started talking about cars, and he pointed out a car going by, talking about the engine and drive or something- I don't remember. But, he stops MID SENTENCE and goes,
"Sorry, I got ahead of myself. You probably don't even know what I'm talking about."
K. So, I don't remember exactly what he was describing, but it was NOT beyond basic information you'd research when buying a car. Plus, being in a different state, I had to figure all my car stuff out on my own, so I wasn't totally stupid about cars either. BUT STILL! How tf would YOU know what I don't know, sir??? I made a face, but I kept it pushing.
We start talking about art, because I mentioned I liked to go to the museum on campus. He starts showing me some of his paintings (they're bad) and he goes,
"Yeah, I painted these with my ex-girlfriend. That lying, cheating, slut."
OHHH OKAY. SOOO HE'S INSANE. SOOO I'M GOING TO GET MURDERED IN THE WOODS.
Reader, the venom in his voice was nothing I've ever heard before.
One thing you should know about me is that I NEVER fake an emergency to get out of a date. This is the ONLY TIME IN MY 23 YEARS OF LIFE. I texted my friend at the time and said, "SOS dude this guy is weird". She called me and we truly put on the performance of a lifetime, saying her roommate was having a panic attack and needed my help. I looked at him and say, "Darn. Gotta go."
As we're walking to our cars, he goes, "Well, maybe we can try again another day!"
I say, "Uh... we'll see."
We did not see. I blocked him. Thank god I'm still alive to tell this tale. Moral of the story: NEVER go to the park for a first date, because he might literally be Jigsaw the Puppet with a squeaky voice.
Submit your saucy story time here!
SOCIAL MEDIA CORNER:
DATING PROFILE OF THE WEEK:
This does not even deserve my response.
TWEETS OF THE WEEK:
TIK TOKS OF THE WEEK:
ADS:
The Anti-Aging Solution Men Actually Use
Over 1,000,000 men have made Particle part of their routine. One product. Multiple premium anti-aging ingredients. Clinically researched and engineered for men's skin. Reduces eye bags, dark spots, and wrinkles without adding complexity to your morning. Easy, effective, worth it. Get 20% off now with the code BH20.
Curious why everyone’s talking about Tai Chi Walking? This gentle 30-minute routine blends mindful movement and breathing to help burn fat, improve balance, boost mood, and strengthen your body—without punishing workouts. Take the quick quiz to unlock your free printable plan, plus personalized coaching, workouts, and expert nutrition tips.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING 🍏💚🍏 COMMENTS, QUESTIONS, CONCERNS, SUGGESTIONS, WRITE-INS —--> CLICK HERE
